His 6’4″ frame is standing outside my bedroom door. He is screaming – again. My mother stands in the doorway – in the middle – where she’s always been. She’s safeguarding what she knows is my only haven. She is strong, my mother. I’m sitting in a fetal position on the ground – head buried […]
Author: Alex Hanson
Overcome
Last week I saw the biggest spider I’ve ever seen in my life. It was 10:30pm, I was reading in bed, and suddenly my peripherals began to move. I looked across my bedroom floor and two feet away, there it was. It was the size of my palm, its body alone the size of a […]
Tainted Sunshine
This afternoon is spent how most of our spring and summer Sunday afternoons are – outside. For a split second, I trick myself into thinking it is a normal Sunday. Into thinking things are as they always are, as they should be. The fresh air is amazing. The glimpses of sun coming and going give […]
The Cure Part II: Connection
The tensions are palpable, so much so they are now impossible to ignore. And they aren’t all exactly the same – everyone you see is carrying a burden you know nothing about. Lack of resources, sick family, loneliness from isolation, anxiety of the uncertainty to come, the list goes on. I was out grabbing a few […]
The Cure Part I: Perception
Living to see and experience a pandemic is something that has left me at a loss for words, but not in the way I expected. Everywhere we turn right now, it seems we are being tempted to fear. The hoarding, the quarantines, the closing of businesses – it is so much. Life as we know […]
First Birthdays and February Snow
You came into the world after much waiting and anticipation. And then it happened – you happened. On May 17th, 2018, that second pink line began the countdown of meeting you. I didn’t know it then, but your big blue eyes and curly blonde hair (both of which convince strangers I am your nanny, not your […]
You are Here
It was time. 12 days early, but ready we both were. My heart was having a hard time holding on (literally) and needed you to be outside of my body. It needed to beat normally again; I needed it to beat normally again. And you were ready enough, they said. So we went. It was […]
White Flags & Foil Art
Aluminum foil, that’s all it was. “For decoration!” she said. “I want to make something for decoration.” “Foil is not for playing,” I say. “It is not a toy.” She turned and walked out of the kitchen and as she did, my heart sank. Her shirtless little torso (because, age 4), blonde curls bouncing, face […]
Treading Water
I close my eyes. I hold my breath. I jump. The water is cold, but bearable. Suddenly, I am the 10 year old shell of myself, like a fish in the water. Not a care in the world but the temperature of the water and keeping it out of my wind pipe. I press my […]
Bigger Than the Sky
My Sweet Lucy Girl, It is your last night of being three. We have been counting down the days all week. Tonight you wanted an extra book for bedtime, and I caved because, well, “It’s your last night of being three.” I tell you this as if to set a precedent, a proper expectation. But […]