Gigi, One year ago today, we celebrated what we didn’t know would be your last birthday with us in the flesh. I remember debating whether or not I would be able to make a 24 hour trip happen so I could be there. I came to the conclusion that I would never forgive myself if […]
Author: Alex Hanson
Hammers and Eggshells
His 6’4″ frame is standing outside my bedroom door. He is screaming – again. My mother stands in the doorway – in the middle – where she’s always been. She’s safeguarding what she knows is my only haven. She is strong, my mother. I’m sitting in a fetal position on the ground – head buried […]
Overcome
Last week I saw the biggest spider I’ve ever seen in my life. It was 10:30pm, I was reading in bed, and suddenly my peripherals began to move. I looked across my bedroom floor and two feet away, there it was. It was the size of my palm, its body alone the size of a […]
Tainted Sunshine
This afternoon is spent how most of our spring and summer Sunday afternoons are – outside. For a split second, I trick myself into thinking it is a normal Sunday. Into thinking things are as they always are, as they should be. The fresh air is amazing. The glimpses of sun coming and going give […]
The Cure Part II: Connection
The tensions are palpable, so much so they are now impossible to ignore. And they aren’t all exactly the same – everyone you see is carrying a burden you know nothing about. Lack of resources, sick family, loneliness from isolation, anxiety of the uncertainty to come, the list goes on. I was out grabbing a few […]
The Cure Part I: Perception
Living to see and experience a pandemic is something that has left me at a loss for words, but not in the way I expected. Everywhere we turn right now, it seems we are being tempted to fear. The hoarding, the quarantines, the closing of businesses – it is so much. Life as we know […]
First Birthdays and February Snow
You came into the world after much waiting and anticipation. And then it happened – you happened. On May 17th, 2018, that second pink line began the countdown of meeting you. I didn’t know it then, but your big blue eyes and curly blonde hair (both of which convince strangers I am your nanny, not your […]
You are Here
It was time. 12 days early, but ready we both were. My heart was having a hard time holding on (literally) and needed you to be outside of my body. It needed to beat normally again; I needed it to beat normally again. And you were ready enough, they said. So we went. It was […]
White Flags & Foil Art
Aluminum foil, that’s all it was. “For decoration!” she said. “I want to make something for decoration.” “Foil is not for playing,” I say. “It is not a toy.” She turned and walked out of the kitchen and as she did, my heart sank. Her shirtless little torso (because, age 4), blonde curls bouncing, face […]
Treading Water
I close my eyes. I hold my breath. I jump. The water is cold, but bearable. Suddenly, I am the 10 year old shell of myself, like a fish in the water. Not a care in the world but the temperature of the water and keeping it out of my wind pipe. I press my […]